LOOK ALIVE PEOPLE WE NEED 2 CINEMATIC MOVIE GAMES, 3 QUIRKY SJW WALKING SIMULATORS, AND A PIXEL ART INDIE DEPRESSION ANALOGY FOR TABLE 4
LOOK ALIVE PEOPLE WE NEED 2 CINEMATIC MOVIE GAMES, 3 QUIRKY SJW WALKING SIMULATORS...
first movie game's up, boss, kitchen's runnin' slow!
ITS UNDERCOOKED YOU DONKEY
WHERE'S DEBRA?
HOW LONG FOR THAT SEQUEL TO THE 2D METROIDVANIA
6 years chef
*musical sting*
YOU SAID IT WOULD BE DONE 3 YEARS AGO, WE'VE GOT 5 MILLION PREORDERS
yes chef
kek
WHERE'S THE OPEN WORLD SAUCE
You told me it would have 16 times the detail and be 8 times bigger yet when i sat down and played your game all i got was day 1 patches and HUNDREDS of bugs
Did you even playtest this? This isnt wrong this is ILLEGAL
Unfortunately, the table zeven 'as returned ze game. Zey say eet ees...not diverse enough.
IM NOT SEEING ENOUGH QUIRKY DIALOGUE GET YOUR HEAD ON THE GAME
THIS DISH IS SO OUTSOURCED IT'S STILL SPEAKING BENGALI
HERES THAT SOULFUL, NOSTALGIC, PIXEL ART YOU WANTED CHEF
WHERE'S THE DEPRESSION AND GENDER IDENTITY STRUGGLE
pixel art indie depression analogy
ORDER UP CHEF
Everytime I watch this webm I notice something new that makes this QTE even more retarded
button prompt isn't even for an action performed by the player character
he cant cook anymore
lol
lmao
A WHITE MALE PROTAGONIST????
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING DID YOU EVEN GIVE HIM A HOMOSEXUAL LOVE INTEREST???
WHO IS GOING TO PLAY THIS???????
Bad news chef. Someone fucked up ordering ingredients and now all we have is “good gameplay” instead of “cutscenes with hamfisted political messages”. How should we handle this?
here chef
Chef I don't put woke shit in my food, it goes against my principles
looks well done to me
is that powdered strawberry or something?
all that rust in the back
wtf
people dont recover from injuries
???
Blue team is finished with the controls, chef. You can go ahead and release it now!
IS THAT A SEXY WOMAN WITH BIG TITS IN MY GAME?
MAKE HER A BLACK LESBIAN WITH A NECK TATTOO RIGHT NOW
I dont give a shit about your personal chuddy tastes but when are in MY FUCKING GAME STUDIO you make MY WOKE SLOP
GET OUT
Where are the outdated meme references... revolting...
SHUT IT DOWN! GAME’S CANCELLED! GIVE EVERYONE A REFUND AND SEND THEM HOME!
black lesbian with a neck tattoo is still acceptable as a long as she is still sexy and has big tits
See
yes chef I've brought in Deborah herself for the mocap and VA
OUR NEXT CONTESTANT IS ANON FROM Anon Babble
"alright big boy, show me your signature vidya"
Your response?
Chef, I got 2 minutes for the trans love interest appetisers and 1 for the gay sex scene interactive movie entree
Chef I'm finished with that strong, empowered woman character you wanted just like you asked!
YOU FORGOT TO MAKE IT UNSKIPPABLE
WHAT ARE YOU
Yes chef, sauteed the hero's journey, dash of mysterious demure love interest, big serving of ancient evil to defeat, and top it with ordinary protagonist
DESPITE THEIR BEST EFFORTS THE STUDIO HAS YET TO RELEASE A SINGLE GOOD GAME AND AS THE NIGHT CONTINUES THE SHAREHOLDERS BEGIN TO GET RESTLESS
Yeah, can I get uhhhhhhhh, iconic series withhhhhhh platforming mechanics and this time use the ummmmmm high res graphics with the unreal sauce, annddddddd a glass offffffffffff hype to go with it.
WHERE'S THE FUCKING MAGICAL MCGUFFIN YOU DONKEY
Yes I heard she's very easy to work with
Kek, perfect. I also forgot
fishing minigame
This is, without a doubt, the single worst game story I've ever had the displeasure of seeing. Where is even the realistic portrayal of a nervous breakdown? The political commentary? The loud annoying girlboss?
i know his meme personality is hamming it up while yelling and screaming, but i don't mind his instructional stuff when he's just talks normally
ONE MORE CHANCE PLEASE
ASSASSIN'S CHEF SHADOWS WILL BE A HUGE HIT
JAPANESE FRIED CHICKEN AND MAC AND CHEESE WILL BE A HUGE RETURN TO FORM
THEY WILL HAVE A BLAST WITH THE KYOTO GUMBO
lgbt is acceptable as long as-
No
Gordon Ramsey is a genuinely great TV host when he isn't doing his "angry swearing tantrum" thing, but that's what earns the money.
chef, my mother's on the phone, she said that my father is having a heart attack because he's been playing those wokeslop movieslop games for the past 4 years now because he was so proud of the prestige I acquired by being able to work with you, and his reckless lifestyle has clogged his arteries. I'm sorry, chef, I have to resign. the last of us 2 wasn't even that great.
A-a chuddie sandwich, chef!
all of his shit is great
he's actually a good chef as well unlike most celebrity chefs (especially yank chefs)
How would a helmet help with his side? He should encourage people to wear plate armour instead.
-long as they are sexy lesbians (that secretly lust for cock)
YOU GARNISHED WITH WESTERN BEAUTY STANDARDS YOU TWAT
Why did she do it?
it's a PSA for wearing helmets. he was wearing one and he got away with bruises.
obviously he wouldn't have if he wasn't wearing a helmet
His helmet was smashed in the accident, parts of it broken off, if he wasn't wearing it it could have been his skull.
CHEF, WE'VE RUN OUT OF OVERWEIGHT 6'3 BLACK FEMALE CHARACTERS WITH VITILIGO, WHAT DO WE DO?
Chef, I've added the low charisma dialogue interactions to our game!
:(
I've shown up to this game studio who can't make money. I've had a look round and all the games they are making are early access open world survival crafting games. They're on their fifth game in three years, and I've had a look at steamcharts, and they've only managed 25 players. Across all three fucking games. I've just talked to the lead dev's wife who tells me next he wants to make a 2d metroidvania earth bound inspired souls-like, so now I'm going to sit him down and see what the fuck that's all about.
Alright this isnt working out. Kim get off the soundtrack and start working on 4K graphics. Jackie, you take Kim's place instead of whatever the fuck PS2 pixelshit you were doing and FOR FUCK'S SAKE EVERYONE STOP ACTING LIKE WE ARE MAKING RPGMAKER SLOP THIS IS TRIPLE-A
yeah but not because of the bike thing he he was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis
Chef our physics engine is acting out, we might have to reprogram it entirely!
Yessir, Chef. What we got here is roguelike auto battler, braised for 24 hours in reddit threads, with my own 8bit pixel art style and deep lore on the side. Ain’t nothin’ fancy—but it is home.
what the fuck happened here?
isotermics
the huge amount of rust on one side
spanish truck
why are they just dumping that red shit on the floor? and not only from the back but from the side too
BLACK MAN, EXTRA ZEST, DOUSE HIM IN SWEET FRUIT
CHECK THE FUCKING BACK WE SHOULD STILL HAVE THOSE FEMALE LATINX MAQUILADORA FACTORY WORKERS LEFTOVER FROM LAST NIGHT
Oh cool, another mediocre dead meme went to political commentary.
That pixel art, is it entirely self-made or did you commission an artist?
It's uh AI chef
WHAT?!
WE NEED MORE TOP SURGERY SCARS, NOW!
Right here, chef.
character action game with multiple characters to use
a story about personal rivalries and relations, with an overarching war narrative that's been muddied by a secret cabal from behind the scenes
complete with a garnish of a thematic soundtrack, with themes fitting each character during gameplay
betrayal, friendship, love, bitter anger, and revenge all wrapped up into one package
I call it Diverian Mist, chef.
The only black character is a hot drow warrior with big muscles and big tits.
Kitchen Nightmares thread
House MD thread
What's next, Severance thread?
What I've got here, Chef, is a pan-seared Non-Linear interconnected world with the RPG aspects trimmed off with a side of action-platforming exploration and to freshen it up I've fried up some combat cooked with ingredients from the Team Ninja farm
EVERYONE SWITCH TO UNREAL 5 OR GET OUT, WE ARE NOT LEAVING THE SHAREHOLDERS WITHOUT THEIR CHRISTMAS RELEASE
had that like two days ago
Chef, we've cooked the protagonist with multiple disabilities you asked for, what do you think?
CHEF HIS MISSING GIRLFRIEND IS BLACK CHEF
I don't make woke slop, chef. I AIN'T NO BITCH CHEF I AIN'T NO BITCH CHEF I AIN'T NO BITCH CHEF
Aren't cycling helmets kinda pointless? Compare them helmet to a motorcycle helmet and tell me how they're going to do anything in an equivalent accident.
Chef, the guest at the PC table is pulling BBQ sauces out of his fanny pack and now he's modding his meal, what do we do?
GET ME A MIXED RACE WOMAN WITH A FUCKING SHAVED HEAD. AND MAKE SURE SHE LOOKS LIKE A FUCKING GREY ALIEN!
How much debt are you in, mate?
We're.... we're about to sell to Tencent.
Fookin 'ell.
Bycicle helmets are meant to shatter on impact to dissipate the energy
They work really well and will actually make you survive being hit by a car after you burned a red light because you're a retarded piece of shit cyclist
Uh oh, cagies are having another melty.
Different purposes. bicycle helmets are designed to shatter and dissipate impact for things like hitting a wall at full speed, because anything less than that sort of impact and youre still walking away fine helmet or not. motorcycle helmets are designed for falling off the bike without any serious collision and bouncing along the ground, because anything more and you arent getting back up helmet or not
The development team is COMPLETELY INFESTED WITH WHITE MEN
Is Knorr the modding of gaming?
I had my fair share of bycicle accidents when I was teen, some where I had to get stitched up and even one where they had to pick out pebbles that got embedded outta my right knee but never something as bad as Gordon's injury.
YOU DONKEYS SERVED A GAME WITHOUT DENUVO SAUCE TO THE PC TABLE?????
Chef, we've managed to implement the secret ending just in time.
AND SHE’S QUEER TOO, CHEF! VEGAN, NON-BINARY, SPEAKS ONLY IN SPANISH CHEF! WE ADDED DIALOGUE TREES BUT REMOVED THE COMBAT SYSTEM, CHEF!
Psycho
and it's PACKED with fucking grease...
I don't care if it's juvenile humour, that video got a goddamn laugh out of me
you can't be this retarded
if marco was still in the biz he'd tell him to harden up and stop being such a baby
Chef I've added the requested love interest, queer political commentary and shady trump-like evil CEO who wants to dominate the world. Unfortunately we're all out of strong boss girl designs. We've also blown our budget and only 90% of the VA are unionized. I can refure if you want.
Isn't this that game about Scandinavian gods?
Why is a gamer paler than either of the characters? Gamers get more sun than vikings.
devs add QTEs to transform what could be traditional action cutscenes into a more interactive experience where the player is involved in pivotal moments
HAHAHAHAHAHA LOOK IF I DO NOTHING IT LOOKS DUMB HAHAHAHAHAHAH IM SO FUCKING CLEVER AND WITTY CHAT
shit gameplay
but now also a shit cutscene
Great job devs
Maybe if he wore a plate armour his side wouldn't look like a negro woman after lovers quarrel, but yeah, post planes and call me a retard.
post planes
Why would they add QTEs if nothing is at stake? Its like fucking Dora the explorer levels of pretending you are interacting with the game when actually its just a cutscene where you press the play button when you feel comfortable.
my nigga you have 80 iq. good luck in life
This one is good. House M/v/ was great
its your game