RESONANCE CASCADE
RESONANCE CASCADE
I'm 36 years old and I don't get it
Everyone born after 1995 should be euthanized
I used to love shotgunning.. VORTIGAUNTS
Can I rape you? I know it's a bit weird and all to ask for consent first, but I'm not- It's more of a rhetorical device so you know that I'm going to do it. I'm going to ignore your consent, given or not, and I'm going to repeatedly violate your prostate region and tug on any groinal appendage i find. Is that alright? Need me to breastfeed you after? That ISN'T rhetorical.
Bunnyhop... RELEASE
HEV Suit... Full set.
. .. ...... .......
Imagine someone makes a half life movie but instead of trying to follow any sort of narrative from the game it was just jack black giving a bunch of confused looking people a tour of black mesa while he occasionally shouts outs the names of things from the game dramatically, like CROWBAR or GRAVITY GUN
that's basically A Minecraft Movie
SCIENCE JOCKEY
Video game movies are horrendously bad. This approach genuinely sounds better than trying to make a serious film about a game.
Lupus?
I'd honestly watch the shit out of a Black Mesa office sit-com. Barney having to deal with Otis leaving donut crumbs everywhere. Kleiner and Coomer getting into arguments about ties. Breen drowning in work safety complaints. Magnusson shout "FREEMAN!" every episode after Gordon finds yet another way to explode his lunch.
It'd have no substance and consist of the lowest hanging joke-fruits there are, but I'd enjoy it.
RAVEN HOLM
I would cast him as father gregori
It's never lupus.
Gordon Freeman, in the flesh... or rather, in the hazard suit.
... okay, that sounded better in my head.
You basically just want Half-Life as The Office?
For me, i'd go diamonds for a Half Life miniseries shot in the style and oacing of HBO's Chernobyl. With all the different perspectives of different groups related to the disaster.
ZERO POINT
ENERGY MANIPULATOR
Would a terraria movie work?
Okay but what about It's Always Sunny in City 17?
it's viral marketing, the wednesday tik tok dance all over again
"No, we can't shoot those aliens. They came to our planet in hopes of a better life. They're just innocent refugees!"
THIS SUMMER
TWO UNLIKELY ALLIES
"Hey, don't touch that, that's my emotional support crowbar!"
FIND A RESONANCE
"Hey, they're shooting at us. What's the deal with that??"
IN THIS CASCADE OF CRAZY EVENTS
"Guess they're just XENophobic!"
RYAN REYNOLDS AS GORDON FREEMAN
DWAYNE THE ROCK JOHNSON AS THE VORTIGAUNT
IN
HALF-LIFE: THE MOVIE
It will probably be another isekai, with the goblin horde as the bad guys.
YABBA
MY
ICING
a gritty storyline set in City 17 from the perspectives of civilians trying to survive the Combine invasion following the 7 hour war. Gordon is never seen but is mentioned by characters.
Perspective of the soldiers attempting to contain the events of HL1
The events leading up to the fall of Ravenholm ending right before Gordon arrives.
A lot of the franchise would be a good basis for a HBO type show assuming it didnt get bogged down in the actual events depicted in the games.
this but 1840
Replace the Rock with Vin Diesel. Dwane would never play a part that doesn't look remotely like him.
It's gonna be just Rock but with a different skin tone, red contacts and a third arm that will be used for a couple of dick jokes
stubby metrocop enters the bar
"Frank, when did you join civil protection?"
"How did you know it's me?"
The meme is making fun of the exaggerated way Jack Black says the names of random objects in the minecraft movie like "crafting table" or "flint and steel".
ends up welcoming goblins in and message being racism le bad
First teaser trailer:
Black screen
"Rise and shine... Mister Freeman..."
Slowly reveals Giancarlo Espocito in the Gman suit on a black background Gussing into the camera, before cutting to black again
slow fade in of the lambda symbol with 'coming summer 2026' underneath
Theatrical trailer:
THIS SUMMER
EVERYONE'S GONNA BE TALKING ABOUT
Alyx (Rachel Ziegler): "Half Life!"
Eli (Idris Elba): "Half Life."
Barney (Jack Black): "Half LIIIIIFE-ah!"
Dr Kleiner (Jeff Goldblum): "Er, half, ah, life?"
Gordon Freeman (Brie Larson): "..."
*record scratch*
Jack Black: "... come on man, seriously?!"
THE HALF LIFE MOVIE
Itd probably work better it focussed on the disaster itself rather than decades long timeline skips mid-series
Ep 1, resonance cascade, introduces various scientists and other employees we'll follow through the disaster. Throw in a short gordon cameo here and there to please the fans but don't make him an actual character
Ep 2, introduce HECU squad whose perspective we'll also be following theoughout the series, etc etc etc etc
Stuff like that would work really well imo, could film 5 or so episodes.
THIS SUMMER
the smug forum user with 9000+ posts
>Slowly reveals Giancarlo Espocito in the Gman suit on a black background Gussing into the camera, before cutting to black again
Yknow what, sure. I wouldn't even be mad at black Gman if Giancarlo plays it.
1,000,000 seconds in MSpaint
SAW AND BLADE
Galanga
Communion of the vintessence. And that other: a deeper drive. No deeper than the family itself.
Ah shit I just remembered Tony Todd is dead
I was having a good day, fuck you for reminding me anon
it's ok, AI exists
Don't worry, Todd only voiced them in Ep 2 and Alyx
original VA is dead too
FUCK
this vexes me
Zoomers are mindless animals
I hate this kike shitskin
You are a black man
not elliot page as gordon freeman
zoomers are fucking based
i kneel
This is the fourth camera angle I have seen of this dude.
Smartphones were a mistake
I legitimately had a dream like that the other night. I worked at Black Mesa and it was like an episode of The Office where I was hitting on a cute scientist while we looked for something in a storage room.
did you get your dick wet?
a cute scientist
cute scientist
when 95% of them look exactly like Dr. Kleiner and the other 5% are either Eli Vance or Dollar Tree Einstein
bruh you might need psychiatric help
Cockblocked by the alarm clock. I was pissed off.
oof, many such cases
I...am Gordon *eyebrow thing*
I dunno, man. Gina exists and there's that framed picture of the science team in hl2 where we see female scientists.
Suck my feet.