I don't get it, how will they make it anti-white/anti-European

Jason Mamoa then. [Spoiler]Jack Black as Patches[/spoiler]

plays Mary Jane

also in oscarbait dramas

also in Dune

also in The Odyssey a movie about Greek heroes

I don't get it either. When Jennifer Lawrence or Emma Watson were being pushed everywhere at least they were cute and didn't sound too unpleasant in the movies they starred in. But Zendaya isn't attractive.
Jason Momoa will be Radahn.

black tarnished. anything bad marika did is now godfrey's fault. anything bad ranni did is... idk, kenneth haight's fault. when the tarnished beats radahn in the sand dunes, radahn will gain sentience in his death long enough to say he LOVES sucking twink cocks before dying and exploding while doing a double peace sign and making an ahegao. ... and patches will be played by his voice actor.

By casting black people in it. Was that hard, dummy?

Dung Eater will be the only white person in the movie.

A24

So, Miyazaki really doesn't care about his fanbase huh?

She is this generations Marilyn Monroe.

so gay. so cringe. pure cash grab. i hate jews.

he always and only has cared about dudes dying in funny ways

*epic string overture starts*

ONCE EVERY GENERATION, A FANTASY SAGA IS RELEASED THAT DEFINES AN ERA

THIS... IS NOT THAT SAGA

*String music cuts out as fart sound effect plays*

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT

*Jack Black spawns at a bonfire*

"BONFIRE LIT BABYYY"

*Starts air guitaring*

GET READY TO SUMMON YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS FOR THE MOVIE EVENT OF THE SUMMER

*shot of JB fighting a horde is skeletons*

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT

Godfrey: "Bring me the Elden Ring!""

WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO

Timothy Chalamet: "They call him the Tarnished One..."

*Shot of Jack Black fumbling down some stairs"

"...emphasis on Tarnished"

With Tilda Swinton as Malenia

The Rock as Godfrey the Grafted

And Chris Pratt as the voice of the Elden Beast

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT

*rapid sequence of Jack Black fat rolling around frustrated bosses*

*Final cut shows him puffing and wheezing as Godrick lifts his staff to smack*

JB: WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT

Confused Godrick: "wait for what?"

*JB points up to his stamina bar replenished back to full*

"For that ya jabroni"

*Starts successfully dodge rolling Godrick again*

WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO

JACK BLACK IS...

*music suddenly cuts out as a boss hits JB in the testicles*

*cut to closeup of his co op summons wincing*

Dave Bautista: "oof, right in the soapstones!"

music starts again

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT

...THE TARNISHED ONE. GET GUD, JULY 17

*final shot is Jack Black respawning at a bonfire, with a serious look on his face* "let's try that again

people aren't realizing yet that FS is becoming the next Bethesda

Elden Ring was their Skyrim

Nightreign is their Fallout 4

Duskblood is their Fallout 76

Their new game will be Starfield levels of abysmal and people will hate them.

All the redheads will be black. Nothing else changes. It would be so fucking funny.

A coked up whore that'll die in a few years?

But who will play Miquella?

A24

Into the trash it goes

This is what AI was made for.
youtube.com/watch?v=f9G-sG9ucMw

they put non-whites everywhere even if it make no sense in an historical or geographical context. Even shit like Netflix's Wednesday had its female main character randomly talk about racism and sexism in every episode even though it made no sense. They just do it.

They will hire Zendaya and that one half black chick with the redhair from that failed Willow series. You know, the one who was the terrorist leader in the Captain Black America/Winter Soldier show.

I'm impressed by the vast modern movie knowledge required to make such a good shitpost

Miquella will be cut out since they can't insinuate a child and an adult marrying to become consorts. Tilda Swinton will play a character thats a combination of Malenia and Miquella, but mostly Malenia. She'll be the final boss in the SOTE movie.

At least when Harvey was around, Hollywood knew what an attractive woman was. This blatant disregard towards reality and pushing these women, that on their best day might be a 4 is tiring. I'm so tired of the erasure of redheads too, I never put a lot of stock into it, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's just for the petty reason that ginger is an anagram for nigger.

BIG HEAD DOGGEH

That would imply that black skin is a curse for which they are discriminated....

Sex doesn't exist in Elden Ring so they can do whatever the fuck they want

Hero is now a nigger with a white blonde wife and a redhead side hoe.

I'm gonna be real, I'm very disappointed in Miyazaki. Really thought that after Dark Souls sequels he'd know not to whore out his IPs for a quick buck, but Nightreign and now this prove that Elden Ring isn't as precious to him as we'd thought. An Elden Ring movie literally cannot work, you can't CGI all that shit and not have it look horrible.

Zendaya as Melina.
Davis as Marika.
Sarah Jessica Parker as Torrent.

And not the vast Elden Ring knowledge?

I hope to God that they hire only obscure actors
No movie stars please

no, that's shameful

Typical. The Dung Eater was the average video game digester in a world where film, music, literature, and fine art is all you were allowed to partake in.

Gérard Depardieu as Alexander

Fans will be disappointed in only 5 years time. See yakuza live action.

cringe

when has a movie based on a game not been disappointing? Maybe Resident Evil and Tomb Raider? But those have hot chick protagonists which is a major selling point

I hope it's about vykes descent into madness and not a game adaption