Jesus gaming

The You Testament

Dota 2 on dire side only. Every time he is on radiant side he leaves the game, even in ranked. Jesus has a bad behavior score and is borderline not allowed to play ranked. He definitely is not able to talk over the microphone in games. He is not a bad guy that shittalks others, he very rarely does it, but he has a very bad behavior score because he is misunderstood, just like people misunderstand his religion. Jesus is annoyed at the fact that Christianity ended up being like the telephone game where it ended up being completely wrong in the end, and he expresses his views in games. He never actually loses his cool, but people are really sensitive.

Jesus wasn't actually a Jew, he was a fat Roman philosopher using backwater Semites to see how his ideas would play while on vacation to see his aunt and cure a bout of tuberculosis.

youtube.com/watch?v=6pT_swxIDyE

something tells me he would really like undertale. that game was effective on making me (and others) a kinder person. i think he would see that influence.

Christianity should more properly be labeled Paulism since most people ignore Jesus' actual teachings and just pay attention to Paul.

source: the voices in your head?

you can still practice judaism without looking like an ethnic jew

Jesus is having a blast here playing symphony of night. He hasn't has this much fun since that time he whipped those merchants jews and kicked them out of church! I wonder if that's why they put him on the cross? Oh well!

Satan told him.

You know, I feel like the crown of thorns isn't an accessory jesus would keep if he had some gaming downtime.

probably not, but he does keep his holes in both his arms and legs as a reminder for his love towards us. so how exactly would he even hold a controller in that case?

Seneca the Younger was a Roman philosopher who in his writings said many similar things to the teachings Jesus gave. He is the exact same age as Jesus, born in 0 AD and in his early 30's went on pilgrimage to visit his aunt in Egypt to cure a bout of tuberculosis he was experiencing. So as the biblical story attests, a random guy showed up out of nowhere (his birth story is clearly made up and no note of what he did for the first 30 years of his life) preached a bunch of radical philosophy and then left. Is it coincidence that a Roman philosopher with the same ideas, of the same age was in the area at that exact time that the supposed divine Son of God happened to be there saying the same things? I'll leave that for you to ponder and look into if you like.

simcity

Unless he's playing Mario Party it shouldn't be an issue.

Or Pokèmon stadium

so you think a random roman philosopher went around preaching, and they changed his name, made up a story about him being crucified, and wrote four differing accounts of him all of which call him by the same name, and all of which share the crucifixion plot?

That's not jesus

What games does he play?

DOOM

Honestly, it doesn't sound weirder than a pigeon getting a woman pregnant

that's not him either. noone knows what jesus looked like.

must be a Dragons Dogma enjoyer

Why'd you post a picture of Saint Floyd the Breathless?

what pigeon? what are you talking about?

Like the people where he lived?

and where did he live?

Xenosaga

He suffocated for our sins

He was conceived by God though. The local genetics shouldn't matter.

Imperator Rome.

Yeah pretty much. It's well possible he called himself Jesus while he was there. The stories about him weren't put down till many years later. It also makes perfect sense that if he was pretending to be a local instead of a member of the currently encroaching empire he would get rounded up for being such a rebel. But the reason there's no body is that he was never actually crucified. Onve the Roman soldiers know he's actually a dude who outranks them that's that.

Spore

But the reason there's no body is that he was never actually crucified.

Or that Jesus was an unremarkable person for his day and was thrown in a collective tomb just like all the other criminals of his day.

Wobbledogs and birthdays the beginning

i really doubt a random roman faggot walking around larping and preaching for the fuck of it would pull all that off

unremarkable person for his day

then what changed in those 30 years that made people write about him?

kek what. why would he play either of those

Feels weird seeing images like these be done of him, knowing he was a criminal that also died as one and is basically burning in Hell right now. Yet, people down there are genuinely venerating and worshipping him.

Jesus QuickSaves

Jesus was most definitely real but we don't know if he did all that stuff. It's more likely that his life was embellished and his students used him as a mouthpiece for what they wanted to say not unlike what Plato did with Socrates.
He could've led a somewhat unremarkable life that was later used as a basis for the myth and by the time his person was of great interest, his body was gone for years. There are many historical figures whose bodies were lost and never found despite immediate interest, like Nobunaga's.

it's called aura bro

There's little to really pull off though.
He just shows up, says he's a carpenter and starts talking and spreading his ideas. Other than snippets like the weird story about him going missing as a kid and being found in the temple there's really nothing of Jesus' early days ever talked about, the son of the Creator of the Universe somehow just meandered around doing carpentry for decades doing nothing at all of note. Then he suddenly shows up in his early 30's, starts preaching radical philosophy for the time to the place he was living then fairly quickly gets executed for it.

The fact that another person with the same ideas of the same age was in that same area when all the Jesus stuff happened is noteworthy if nothing else. These stories were all put down decades at best after he was there. I think it's far more likely that a bunch of Jews saw how great his teachings were and turned him into their Messiah. They made up his birth story (clearly because it isn't consistent) and then a fake bit about how after he was gone he was executed brutally but it's fine because he did it for you, he gave his life to absolve your sins so now you can get on your knees and worship him! Jesus... King of The Jews!

Yahweh can be killed though

Kek dumb nigger. Floyd didn't make it to hell. The jew god snatched him up for being a good pawn.

Yahweh was a minor god originally. Demigods can be killed